Dodging Manholes

Recently one morning, I noticed on my long drive to work that I had somehow begun instinctively dodging manholes. I drive a small car with very small tires, and like it or not in Knoxville (particularly 640), we have plenty of potholes. (It really makes me wonder where the wheel tax we pay goes because 640 makes my little car sound like a tank shooting heavy rounds.) I make an effort to notice the locations of these things because my little car with small tires really feels each one. Somehow, this practice became somewhat automatic. I was mere minutes into my commute and noticed I moved my car to dodge one and later another. As I got closer to work, I noticed this new routine started again when I dodged yet another manhole, instinctively.

Unfortunately, habit formation is not easy (see: New Year’s Resolutions). Often, we’ll make a declaration we’re trying to do X, only to find ourselves not doing that very thing a couple weeks later. Also, habits can be labeled good or bad. Obviously, we want those good ones on autopilot. At the same time, we have to have the awareness that bad ones can just as easily become automatic.

Habit change is hard. Whether it is trying to create a new, healthier habit or breaking a bad, unhealthy habit, getting them to become automatic is tricky. Interestingly, it seems like we humans get into habitual response patterns as well.

Take relationships for example. Couples often find themselves immersed in very familiar habitual conflicts that I tend to call cyclical arguments. Both parties routinely fall into old, habitual patterns of behavior. While the argument may be temporarily resolved, it likely will make another appearance as things come back to surface., thus becoming a cycle. We find ourselves instinctively, routinely, and habitually responding like we always have. Wouldn’t it be easier if the other person just did all the changes!? I don’t think so because at some point, I’m going to be that somebody that has to change.

Personal accountability is not fun, but it definitely is important. If we don’t like how things are going, we have an opportunity to create new habits. Maybe it’s how we drive. Maybe it’s how we respond. Regardless, we can choose differently. That part is up to us. I’m going to let you in on something: If we begin making positive changes, what often happens in relationships, other people begin making positive changes, too. Even if they don’t, your changes may change things enough that the old way of responding becomes just that…old.

If you’re looking to form or change some habits, try these things.

Increase your awareness about what you’re doing and what you want. You can do this by paying attention. You can have conversations with close friends or loved ones. While it may require less effort now, I know I paid more intense attention previously. Earlier in the process, I put focus on where the bumps are (whether manhole or pothole). Now, this habit appears to be on auto-drive (pardon me). That’s really the goal with habits, isn’t it? To get to the point where they become automatic.

When you make a mistake, give yourself self-grace, learn from it, and try again. This is NOT the time to give up: “Well, I tried and couldn’t get it. Might as well quit.” If that’s your inner dialogue, you might want to read some of my previous posts such as this one. We’ve likely seen those inspirational quotes about not giving up. Insert your favorite right about here. Remember: Excuses are like reasons are like justifications. Justifications keep us doing what we’ve always done. If you wanted that, you wouldn’t be reading this.

Repeat. That’s it: Keep doing the new thing over and over. If you want to improve your chances of habit formation, add a small incentive or reward. I like to track things I do using a bullet journal. You can use apps. It doesn’t matter. Tell somebody. Write it down for yourself. In my bullet journal for example, I track typically four things: the BVD (Bible verse of the Day), what Scripture I’m reading, some stretching exercises, and a new skill like improving foreign languages. I don’t always make it, but it sure helps me be more intentional about it.

In short, be aware and know what you want. Forgive yourself when you mess up. Keep doing the new thing.

What about you? What wild habit have you created intentionally or unintentionally? Dodging manholes was not on my list of things to do, but here we are! Be as good to yourself as your best friend, spouse, or favorite pet. The best is yet to come.

#habit #change #repeat #Jesus #Bibel #Ephesians424 #forgiveness #self