“I can’t breathe.”

I am sorry.

I hate what my Black brothers and sisters have gone through their entire lives, their families’ lives, and so on. I know sorry is not enough. That is what brings me here.

Before we proceed, I have some caveats.

As badly as I hate to say, I am privileged. It’s taken effort to understand that, but I am. By effort, I mean having real, genuine conversations with people who are different than I am. We have been blessed to live in beautiful places. In one of those places, however, there was not much diversity at all. When my family and I traveled to my final graduation, my wife and I had some great conversations with people who are different than us. It made us realize we missed that aspect in our lives. Thankfully, God has a plan, and we live in such a place in which we experience diversity. I am blessed to have friends who are different than I am. Please understand that I never wanted anything without it being on my own merit, but I am now convinced I have benefited from white privilege. Admitting this is awful. It shouldn’t happen. Slavery should not have happened, either. I hate that privilege happens. But, I hope this post helps create dialog, so we can have conversations and appreciate one another as human beings.

Please understand this piece for what it is: a mere privileged white male who is trying to understand the world in which we live and a tiny bit of what our Black brothers and sisters go through day in and day out.

Please also understand this piece is not meant to be all-encompassing. Instead, it is meant to help others like me understand the daily lives of our Black brothers and sisters. I am not making light of anything written in this post—not anti-blackness and not mental illness, particularly child abuse. I hope that shines through as well. I’m using what I know (mental health) to try to relate to something I don’t know. By no means do I know much. I don’t.

I’m going to tell a fictional story that may resonate with some of you. It may trigger you. It could trigger you for lots of reasons. If you’re easily offended, thanks for reading this far; I wish you well. By all means, don’t read it. If you do continue reading, please proceed with caution and with a mind of openness, compassion, and empathy.

Imagine a small child. Happy, loving, carefree. Maybe that child was you at one point. Then, something happened, something horrible. That small child experienced something no child should ever have to experience. An adult inappropriately touched that small child. In in instant, that child’s happiness changed; his or her carefree nature changed. The child, who once was loving and outgoing began withdrawing. The child blamed him- or herself. The adult threatened the child. Without going into details, the child’s beloved stuffed animal was used inappropriately in association with the adult and the child. Now, the child no longer loves that toy. It scares him or her. For example purposes, we will say say that toy was a stuffed bear.

Every time the child sees the bear, s/he is traumatized. (Psychologically speaking, this is definitely possible. For an example, please read about baby Albert who was conditioned to have a phobia of fluffy, white objects.) Think about the child and a bear. Think about all the times that child would be in stores and see bears, see them on television, or see them at friends’ houses. Each time, that child would be triggered, remembering the horrible experience with the adult and his former beloved teddy bear.

A study possibly linked familial history of PTSD to genetically inheriting the disease in that adult children of Holocaust survivors were found to have lower levels of cortisol, one of our body’s main hormones to combat stress. In a training about racial trauma,Sam Lee and Melody Li discuss historical trauma and inter-generational trauma. Think about those words individually and in context. Let the power of them weigh as you read this. That said, in the example of the child and the teddy bear, no one would blame the child for not wanting to have anything to do with a teddy bear again. Nobody. I think people would understand the trauma associated with the bear.

But, when it comes to our Black brothers and sisters, there seems to be a disconnect between hundreds of years of oppression, slavery, watching loved ones be sold or even killed, and continued trauma associated with all of it. Historical and inter-generational trauma. Think about this: We are NOT that far removed from times of segregation! When our Black brothers and sisters kneel in protest, voice distress about flags, or request celebratory monuments be removed honoring proponents of slavery, could we (any of us who are not Black) approach these subjects with greater compassion, empathy, and understanding? These things represent the example child’s teddy bear, but with an extended history of hundreds of years of abuse.

Admittedly, I have fallen short in this area. Again, I am sorry. I am trying to do better. I have enjoyed having conversations with my Black brothers and sisters. At my day job, I get to interact with students are who different than I, and it brings me joy to understand them, their culture, and offer help. As a result, I have been able to grow so much. I appreciate the dialog we have had and how I have had my perspective pushed and challenged.

If you struggle like I do and have, please, I encourage you to have conversations with people who are different than you. Jesus told us to love. He did not color-code it. He did not specify to love certain groups and hate others. He simply said to love.

While love may not wipe away or erase hate, it penetrates it and plants new seeds of hope.

Dr. Jason Newcomb

We are one race, human. Yes, all lives matter. Saying Black lives matter does not ignore or mean other lives do not. I have friends who have great-great grandparents who were slaves. Think about that a moment. Whatever has happened does not have to continue happening. Have conversations. Let down your defenses. Try to see things from the other person’s point of view. Understand the significance, the emotion, and the heart of it all. Love. Celebrate the next breath you take in honor of the ones many Black people can no longer take due to mistreatment. Take this step with me and be a better person because of it.

#blacklivesmatter #blackmindsmatter #Jesus #Love #humanrace #celebratedifferences #justice #equality #fairness #pushyourperspective #Johnfourteensix

(I want to thank my friends who push my perspective. I want to thank my wife for reading this and one of my sisters from another mister for reading this as well. If you made it this far, thank you, too.)