“I see you.”

There’s a scene in the original James Cameron Avatar that said that line. In the film, the characters were talking about truly seeing one another, like their essence, their character. I had my car serviced recently and had a lot of time to ponder things and people-watch, which I find myself doing more and more lately. When I arrived at the place prior to 11 AM, I noticed an employee working hard. I shopped a little after getting my car situated and took a seat in the eatery area. I saw her again, working hard. At one point we made eye contact, and I said to her, “You have been working hard since I’ve been here.” She mentioned it is hard, especially working a job she doesn’t normally do. I felt compelled to say that to her. I wanted her to know she was seen. Recently, I had a student do the same thing for me. In that one moment, I felt seen at work. Every now and again, a student writes a note or a card, and they all mean a ton. I feel seen.

Here we are, two years post-pandemic, and we’re seeing some after-effects. How many times do people you know get upset about social media posts? Are they really “connected” to those people? I don’t know. I’d say there’s fair chance they’re not that connected in real life. I see it in my work—some people starved for connection. If we’re being honest, it can be work; it can be relationships; it can be school. It just seems like a lot of us want real connection.

Also, be on the lookout for other after-effects. Babies with screens—babies growing up with screens for babysitters, which we saw at the restaurant, too. Relatedly, I have noticed even some car washes that look more like entertainment centers than, you know, car washes. Lights flashing, different colors. Oh, what about gas pumps? Videos playing at some fuel stations.

Maybe Kurt Cobain was right!

The longer we go, the more we see, the more some of us feel unseen. How often do we go through our day, not being seen? Work and work and barely a “thank you” in return. What about relationships? We celebrated our “24th” a little early with a nice meal. While dining, we also people-watched. (My wife asked, “Are we that age now?” Yes, yes we are.) We noticed a young couple, man and lady. At first, her face just appeared miserable, dejected, disengaged. My wife reads people pretty well and said she’s starved for attention. When we saw her face, he was on his phone. A few moments later, however, his phone was down, and her appearance drastically shifted—warm, light, engaged.

I’m no saint. I struggle with this—seeing people, listening, engaging in the humans in front of me. In fact, I’m talking to myself as much as any of you reading this. Let’s face it, I’m on my laptop, writing this! There are times I don’t put my phone down or my laptop down when someone is telling me something. Why is that? I think the conversation is going to last a few moments, and then I can get back to whatever stupid distraction I’m doing? Probably.

It’s a challenge, isn’t it? See and be seen. Why do we do this? There are some basic functions of behavior: pain attenuation (we do what we do to avoid pain), attention (we do what we do for attention), stimulation (we do what we do to stimulate ourselves and keep ourselves entertained), tangibles (we do what we do to get something), and escape (we do what we do to get out of something else). These things can help determine why we keep doing what we do.

Honestly, I need to do more of what I did at that store with that employee. I need to compliment more freely, acknowledge the efforts of others more often, and listen when people are taking the time to engage me in conversation. I need to make sure others know I see them. This is my challenge—to myself and you, the reader.

Will you join me?

Kindness is free.

#kindness #see #beseen #connect #connection #putdownthescreen #nosocialmedia #avatar #love #acknowledge #Christ